At the Moment…

Hello there!

We are five and a half months into the year, it has been three months since I quit my job and 6 days to my birthday. So what’s been going on?! Where’s my head at?! What am I up to now?! What’s changed?!

I’m not one to do stock takes in the middle of the year but I’ve been having many moments of reflection and introspection so here’s a bit about my 2018 thus far.

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So I quit my job about 3 months ago. Honestly, I am very lucky to be able to do such a thing, to have parents who’ll back me up and support me. If it wasn’t for them and not having any real responsibilities like paying rent or supporting dependents I’d still be miserably stuck at that job. For them I am very thankful. I wish I could tell everyone to just quit! 

Looking back now at the experience with my previous job, colleagues and employer I’ve learnt that exploitation is real! I held three different positions but got paid for only one, though one might argue that it’s my fault because I allowed it but I learned if you’re paid minimum wage then give minimum effort. It’s (sadly and disappointingly) really that simple. Don’t work hard in vain simply because you’re a committed hard worker who is allergic to producing mediocre work. At the end of the day it’s all about money and your reputation, you need to get paid according to your contribution, the same way the sole purpose of existence for every company is to make profit. You shouldn’t compromise your reputation and quality of your work because you’re being exploited. Ask yourself ‘what am I working for, what is my worth, what value do I bring to this organisation, what value does this job hold for me, am I being utilized to my full potential, is there space for growth and promotion, does it align with what I’m being rewarded and my career goals?’ Don’t be afraid to speak up when you’re not happy or when you simply have concerns. Also, if you don’t do it in time it may blow up in your face.

2017 was a year of plenty activity, busy busy busy! but zero movement for me. I was like a hamster in a cage running the wheel tirelessly with no rest, never complaining but not actually going anywhere, stuck in one spot. I experienced mental exhaustion in a way that I never knew the human body could, finding myself in the emergency room due to a panic attack.  Eventually after months of contemplating I decided that I’d resign three months after the new year and save up some money in the meantime while I serve my notice period and help find my replacement but the frustration got so bad that on one Thursday morning on the 25^th of January as I sat at my desk I came to the conclusion that the job and environment was not worth my effort and unhappiness anymore, I should just quit and skip the formal resignation procedure altogether. At 11:50 I packed up the few of my belongings and within 15 minutes I called it a day for good. I wasn’t happy that I staged such a dramatic exit with no warning but I was probably going to break down in frustration had I stayed a minute longer. I’d never felt so much relief, freedom and joy when I walked out that building. It was pure happiness.

Do I regret my decision? Never! Not one bit. Truth be told, I’d subconsciously quit my job more than six months before it eventually happened but because I’m not the type of person to jump ship at the smallest of issues or discomforts I stuck it out for as long as I really could,  though complaining to my family every day. I wanted to push myself, to challenge myself. I gave the job everything but the more I gave, the more I felt used and abused. I intentionally chose to give up my financial independence and depend on my parents with absolutely no plan going forward other than to work on my blog. The funny thing about life is when you don’t have the luxury of an income you realise what is most important and your major priorities come first. A lot of expenses that were once ‘needs’ turn into ‘wants’ and eventually those wants become irrelevant. Also, shockingly enough, friends disappear into thin air. You become invisible, non-existent which makes you question what they were there for.

The last three months haven’t been the most exciting but neither have they been the worst. I’ve used all the extra time to put some real work into my blog, pay attention, do my research and carve out a strategy for plans with my life. Sometimes it’s in those very quiet,  still and sometimes dull moments in life that it all comes together. All I need to do is be still and just listen.

At the moment I’m…

…smelling like?

Dandelion from Zara’s Weekend Collection or Tuberose also from Zara’s Christmas Collection. 

…loving?

My natural hair!

…watching?

The Hostess with Lorna Maseko, Blackish, The Queen and a whole lot of local Youtube content.

…following these blogs:

Maisha Mazuri, Chica and The Stylecaster.

…munching?

NO junk food! It’s doing wonders for my skin.

…wearing?

Joggers and socks 24/7. The comfort that is joggers! 😍

…listening to?

Sza’s album Ctrl: I’ve had this whole album on repeat for 3 months now. Sza is an untapped gem you guys! Her lyrics are so blunt and honest, even about the dodgy-est of things that happen in life like being a side chick in her song ‘The Weekend’. And she has that big b-e-a-u-tiful Chaka Khan hair! (fan girl moment). Her sound/genre is this new age R’n’B type that I’m still trying to get my head around called trap soul. It’s RnB mixed with trap but Sza brings her own element of Indie black girl. Think Erykah Badu meets Solange. Yes? No? Anyway in my mind she’s the musical version of Issa Rae’s Awkward Black Girl series. Her writing perfectly captures the mid to late twenties phase of life, you know, that

‘working so damn hard but still so broke; I lose friends way faster than I make them; I don’t want to commit to a serious relationship but just give me the no strings attached benefits; and for some reason my ex of 4 years is doing a recurring cameo role in the tragic comedy that is my life even though that’s become my fault because well, I let him’

… something like that. Anyway my faves on repeat from Ctrl are: Broken Clocks; 20 Something; Supermodel and Go Gina. By the way, did you know Sza writes for Beyonce?

Shekhinah’s debut album Rose Gold. On repeat: Please Mr.; Suited; Different ft. Mariechan and Your Eyes ft. Black Coffee. 

Nicki Minaj: Chun Li

Jazmine Sullivan ft. Bryson Tiller: Insecure

Ella Mai: Boo’ed Up

Somi: Ginger Me

Jorja Smith: On my Mind

Lady Zamar: Gravity

Mali Music ft. Jazmine Sullivan: Loved by You

Mali Music: Beautiful

…confused about?

Friendships but that’s a whole post for another day.

…feeling these fashion trends:

Checks (click here) and Fanny Packs (click here).

…reading?

A pile of Destiny magazines I’ve hoarded over the last two years but never got around to reading. It’s true, I’m addicted to the glossy covers and pretty pictures only.

Americanah by Chimamanda Adichie. I started it in 2016 and finally finished the second half last week in 4 days.

About to start the popular book you see in so many creative Pinterest flatlays, Sophia Amoruso’s #GIRLBOSS. Yes, I bought it for the hype. Maybe I’ll do a review and let you know if it’s worth the hype.

eMarketing by Rob Stoke and his team at Quirk. This was the prescribed text book we used in the final year of my major Marketing Communications. I obviously never read it in depth because I just needed to pass and graduate but it’s proven to be just the gem of information I need right now. Don’t know why I didn’t think of reading it sooner. I am def going to buy AND READ a lot more books about digital media.

…planning?

Another fashion photo shoot, 3 more to be exact. The first shoot I did last December with a proper photographer taught me a few tricks like how to pose in front of the camera to maximise the focus on specific pieces of your outfit, angles, using props and choosing the right location. Professional well planned out pictures go a really long way, they help establishing the specific aesthetic look and feel of my blog and they also add to my vision. I also really like the polished aspect good photography and outfits bring. It looks so much more professional and less like a side hustle/hobby and attracts my targeted audience.

…thinking about?

My 27^th birthday. A part of me just wants to crumble into pieces, hide from the world and sulk about all the things I don’t have or have not achieved yet like not having my own car, not having a squad of friends or a gorgeous  somebuddy to ‘baecation’ with in exotic islands… . Your peers’ achievements tend to be a timeline for your life………. BUT an even bigger part of me just does not care at all because a lot of this self inflicted pressure and insecurity is fuelled by virtual realities on social media. I believe in life, whether you go fast or you go slow, a mile is still a mile. We all eventually get there. The beauty is in the journey, not necessarily the destination.

#NOTE TO SELF: The grass is always greener on social media. *whooosa*

…feeling?

Hopeful. Calm. Faithful. At Peace. Creative. Spicy. Lonely. Inspired. Very Unfit. Optimistic. GODfident…  I’m clearly a ball of emotions.

…currently living by these words:

“Opportunities don’t come to you, you create them.”

“It is darkest before dawn.”

“If it came looking for me once that means it knows where I live. It will come back.” – a philosophy about the timing of opportunities and life events. If it’s meant to be it will be.

…currently into?

Accessories. I’ve never been a huge fan of trendy accessories, I buy what I like and what is necessary but lately I’ve been excited by these gems and jewels more than I have been with clothes. Suddenly I’m into sunglasses and bold dangling earrings and I quite like it, it’s allowing me to explore other style avenues. And with this came a new found past time- taking flatlay pictures! I’ve come to find it a cathartic way to exercise creativity, mixing and matching items together on a white bed sheet.

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How’s your 2018 been so far? Leave your thoughts below in the comment section.
Thanks for visiting and keep up with me on Instagram @angietinashe.

Have a stunning day!

Xx, Ange.

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